Humorous, strange, and downright illogical things happen to me here on a near-daily basis. Usually there are not enough instances to warrant a mention, so I've compiled a few of the more hilarious episodes in a string of unrelated incidents.
1. Thanks, but how do I politely say, "No, there is absolutely no way I would ever live in your home."
The woman in charge of transportation at my second school, Mrs. Park, has two sons in my fourth and sixth grade classes. Recently we conversed with my vice-principal translating. Here is my summary of said conversation.
VP: Mrs. Park wants to know if you're interested in a home stay.
Me: Umm... well I mean I know what it is, but I already have an apartment.
VP: Mrs. Park says she would like to be a good English speaker. She wants to know if you're interested in a home stay.
Me: .................
VP: What's your favorite Korean food?
Me: Uh, kimbap.
VP: Mrs. Park says she makes great kimbap. She will make kimbap for you if you live with her in a home stay.
Me: Vice Principal Choi, I don't speak Korean!
VP: Mrs. Park says if you live with her, her sons will learn to speak English very well! She lives right next to the school.
Me: But.... Vice Principal Choi, this school is located in the middle of nowhere.
VP: Mrs. Park is very eager to have a foreigner live in a home stay with her.
Me: But I have an apartment already.
VP: So, what do you say about a home stay?
Me: *baffled*
Luckily at this point the phone rang and I made my escape. I have since avoided any and all mention of a home stay because there is no way I will ever live in one, especially one in a town that I only know of a single bus that can take me anywhere.
I've started laminating quite a lot of things because 1) it makes my materials last longer, especially when the little ones put their grubby hands all over them and 2) it's fun. Recently I got to school early prepared to finish my current laminating project (dates with magnets on the back for daily questions) only to find the vice principal had locked the laminating sheets up in the cabinet. He was not in attendance as early as I was. No laminating for me. You cut me deep, Vice Principal, you cut me deep.
3. Teachers' dinners
Koreans are really big on dinners. It's really nice because they almost always invite me, but I'll be honest - I can think of a lot of other things I'd prefer to do with my time. No one will ever tell you in advance (per Korean usual), so expect to get any and all evening plans cancelled at the drop of a hat. It's usually not too bad - you go out until maybe six or seven eating some food, then go home. Oh, did you already have dinner plans with a friend? Perhaps you were going to play soccer. Maybe you needed a new lightbulb that you'd have to travel to Homeplus to get. Well too freaking bad, it's time to build relationships with your coworkers. Oh, what's that? You don't speak Korean and they don't speak English? It's okay, you can just sit in the corner, attempt to eat the least offensive pieces of meat placed in front of you, and hope no one insists you drink six shots of soju while simultaneously never speaking to you. Of course I am exaggerating, but not by a lot. Dinners are tolerable, and sometimes enjoyable, but for the most part they are very boring. Turn on a foreign film with no subtitles. Eat a meal. Welcome to my life. To be fair my coteacher talks to me, and some of the other teachers will talk to me, but overall the language spoken is Korean, and they're interested in speaking to each other, which I can understand. When dinners go over an hour and a half though, I tend to get really antsy. Especially considering we're dining Korean-style, aka cross-legged on the floor.
4. The supreme ruler of the Korean elementary school: the Principal
Because of Confucianism, authority is a huge deal here. Older people get automatic respect, and bosses get even more. Male bosses even more. I know that bosses are in charge across all cultures, but it just seems to border on the ridiculous here (to a Westerner such as myself). To me the biggest problem appears to be that there is no discussion on anything - this is not a democracy, it's a principal-tatorship. Examples below.
1. Because my coteacher is new, I suggested that the students make nametags and wear them in class so that it would facilitate her learning their names. After asking the principal's approval (um, we need his approval for that?), our request was denied on the basis that it would "take too much time" to put on and take off nametags.
2. At a teachers' dinner, we were finished eating. Several teachers took their leave, presumably because they were done eating and perhaps wanted to, I don't know, spend time with their families or something crazy like that. The principal sent the head teacher out to fetch them because he hadn't dismissed anyone from dinner yet. These adults had to return to the table and mill around until the principal was good and ready to end the meal.
3. I went to a teachers' training workshop the other week. I didn't say goodbye to the principal because he wasn't in his office when I left. When I got back my coteacher informed me the principal was unhappy because 1) I didn't say goodbye and 2) I didn't report in when I came back from the trip. Sorry sir, I didn't feel like searching the entire school for you, and then no one told me I would have to report in to you because 1) I don't speak Korean 2) you don't speak English and 3) I had never gone on a business trip like that before. My coteacher taught me a Korean phrase to say and we trooped posthaste to the principal's office so I could offer my sort-of-apology-type-thingy. This was definitely a valuable expenditure of my time. It's not like I teach eight classes on Monday and Tuesday, then five on Wednesday plus two hours of volleyball - I've got loads of time to hunt you down just to say hello and goodbye.
4. I've learned that volleyball is more important than educating children, apparently. I was not allowed to remain behind in my classroom to teach my sixth grade remedial students the alphabet, regardless of the fact that they need to know these kinds of things (seriously, the ALPHABET) to pass their tests to get into middle school. The rationale was that if the principal let just anyone use the excuse of "too much work," he would never be able to successfully run the "teachers' volleyball workshop."
5. My coteacher, the special ed teacher, and the school nurse have no classes on Saturdays when school is in session (Koreans go to school every other Saturday for half a day). The principal makes them weed, landscape, etc. They don't have this time free to lesson plan.
Quick note: before you start thinking my main school principal is awful, he isn't. Sometimes he's very nice. He often gives me rides home so I don't have to take the bus, and he'll pop in occasionally to give me and my coteacher ginseng drinks (very popular gift in Korea). These things are very nice.
This is just a Korean cultural thing. I've heard that a lot of elementary school principals are still caught up in this kind of mindset. That being said, my second school principal is awesome. Examples.
1. I rarely see him. He's not often in his office, and whenever I do see him it's typically in the teachers' lounge. Hilariously enough, he always looks surprised to see me, like "Whoa! Hello native teacher who has been in my school for seven months! Fancy seeing you here!" But we greet each other, and I always get the impression he wants to chat to me but simply can't. There are usually snacks in the teachers' lounge and he's always encouraging me to eat them.
2. He appears to be a very humble man, especially when it comes to dinners, etc. The other teachers have to pressure him into the positions of honor at tables, etc.
3. Volleyball is not the center of his universe.
4. Since the weather has gotten nicer I've seen him outside in his windbreaker and swishy pants outfit weeding, watering plants, and doing landscaping work in general. I approve of his willingness to do manual labor that he could easily order other people to do.
5. He let me go early at the end of winter camp because camp was done, and he thanked me for my hard work and dedication to the students.
5. A Korean's "diet"
After volleyball last Wednesday we had a light dinner of fried chicken in the teachers' lounge. The special ed teacher offered me some Coke, which I said yes to, then offered it to my coteacher. She refused based on the claim that she is on a diet (she's about 5'1" and like a size 2). I nodded politely then kept my mouth shut as she went on to eat about five pieces of fried chicken.
6. Awesome things my coteacher has said to me
1. We went out for a (surprise, surprise) unexpected teachers' dinner with parents of kids from school. I was still in my volleyball outfit, sweats and a t-shirt. Awkwardly, I told my coteacher, "Uh oh, if I had known I would have changed! (motioning toward my sweatpants)" Her response? "Don't worry, they look expensive!"
2. "I get so nervous thinking about volleyball I can't even eat!"
3. "Wow, Nam Kyung-mee Teacher (third grade) is so fat! Do you think she's pregnant? I'll ask her if she's pregnant."
1. 5th grade girl - she likes to call me the devil whenever I do things that displease her, i.e. not giving her candy, refusing to write her homework for her, having the audacity to allow her team to lose, etc. etc. "Theresa, devil! Sujin, angel!" Though to be fair she's a great kid and loves me, she's just teasing.
2. My brattiest student, a fourth grade girl, told me, "Teacher, IQ, zero!" Thanks, kiddo.
3. My coteacher makes bad students write English dialogues as punishment then come to our classroom later so we can check them. After the fourth grade class ended, one boy asked, "Does anyone have to come to your classroom?" My coteacher said no. His response? "Teacher, you will be lonely!"
4. One of my third grade boys had his fancy-pants cell phone out in class. I said, "Inseo, no phones in class!" He pointed at it urgently and told me, "Teacher, message!!"
